The Imprint on Your Heart That Music Has Left

I find myself wondering if the artist and/or songwriter peeked into my journal, as their lyrics seem too personal, reflecting exactly what I’m going through.

Do you have that one family member who’s always snapping photos or recording every special moment? For me, it’s my Mom-Mom. She’ll call me up and say, “Amirah, I just found these videos from ’95. You’ve got to see this!” As she FaceTimes me, I find myself laughing at the sight of my toddler self, even though the exact moment is a blur. I am always grateful for her capturing those moments that will live on forever. She loves to reminisce about my childhood love for music and how I’d dance around the house whenever music was played. Some things never change; given the right vibe, I’ll still sing and dance like there’s no tomorrow. My mom and I lived with my grandparents during my childhood, and I vividly remember their glass-encased record player and sound system. When they’d open it up, it meant we were in for a great time. Music created a vibrant atmosphere that made every gathering special, whether it was a holiday, a casual Sunday, or just their friends coming over to play cards, so the beauty and joy that music brings have been ingrained in me for a long time. 

Music has always held a special spot in my heart since I can remember, woven into countless memories and experiences throughout my life. One song that always brings me back to my childhood is Queen Pen’s “Party Ain’t A Party.” I remember being captivated by the cover of her “My Melody” album; her hair and look were on point! My mom and I would jam out to that track, rapping both her and Mr. Cheeks' verses together, and we still do! Every time I hear it, I can't help but get up, dance, and think of my mom. Also, I’m a 90s baby, so girl and guy groups were huge! Every week, my friends and I would get together at someone’s house to choreograph (we swore we were mini Laurieann Gibson’s) elaborate dance routines to our favorite songs. We’d then put on a show for our families, gathering everyone in the living room to perform to the beats of B2K, 3LW, and other major artists at the time. We even had our own girl group, though, to my recollection, none of us could carry a tune. Still, we had a notebook filled with lyrics, assigning each person their verses and practicing our hearts out on the playground. It’s hilarious to look back on, but it’s clear that my love for music runs deep.

Usually, when a memory comes up for me, I can almost always attach a song that was playing during that time. From the backseat of my dad’s car, riding down Broad St., listening to the epic beef of Jay-Z’s “Takeover” and Nas’ “Ether” to playing the flute for five years throughout elementary school into my first year of high school. I loved performing at the winter/spring concerts, seeing everyone, including my family, in the auditorium, and knowing that all my practicing paid off. I’ve been to over 20 concerts, but one of my most cherished memories is going to see Destiny’s Child concert during their Destiny’s Fulfilled Tour in 2005 with my mom. The awe of seeing my favorite girl group perform live and the crowd's collective energy was unforgettable. I can still feel this energy to this day. Music’s power to unite people—whether at concerts, cookouts, or intimate moments—is unparalleled. 

Last month, I had the wonderful experience of attending a Liner Notes Vinyl Club event at Legacy, a really dope Black-owned record store in DUMBO. Each of us brought a vinyl with immaculate production, and we discussed our selections and different aspects of music. Sitting in that circle, I felt a deep sense of joy, immersed in the passion we all share for a topic that means so much to me. I brought Outkast’s third studio album, “Aquemini.” I could go on and on about how special that album is to me, but I also started to think about how much I resonate with artists like Outkast, Kelis, and N*E*R*D when I was growing up. Despite their coolness, they also embraced their unique quirks, much like I did and still do. During the event, I even had a great conversation about one of my favorite genres of music, Neo-Soul.

As an Aquarius whose all-time favorite male R&B artist is the incomparable D’Angelo, I take immense pride in my zodiac tribe, The Soulquarians, and their monumental impact on shaping Neo-Soul. The talent within this genre is undeniable, and it’s a style of music that I continue to love and listen to regularly. VH1 Soul was a constant on my TV. When discussing Neo-Soul, it’s impossible not to mention my hometown of Philadelphia, a city with remarkable talent that often doesn’t get the recognition it deserves. Growing up, I felt honored to be from Philly, a place that gave birth to legends like myself but also Jill Scott, Eve, Bilal, Peedi Crakk, The Roots, Musiq Soulchild, Beanie Sigel, Vivian Green, and Freeway. It was like having the best of both worlds, feeling connected to such incredible artists.

According to Apple Music, I’ve listened to 30,706 minutes of music thus far in 2024. Music keeps me moving, grooving, and even grounded as I’m currently listening to a 396 Hz playlist softly playing in the background. A few years ago, someone pointed out that my headphones seem to be a permanent fixture, just like the three rings I never take off. That observation got me reflecting on how music is truly my everyday companion. It’s a constant presence in my life, whether I’m making mood boards for shoots, creating content for CreatedbyUs., or working out at the gym. On Sundays at my last apartment, I would roll up, grab my cleaning supplies, put on my “Get Up, Clean Up” playlist filled with oldies and some goodies by Teena Marie, The Stylistics, Erykah Badu, Earth, Wind & Fire, and Larry June and just vibe out. I’m the person people ask to curate a playlist for any occasion.

One of my friends recently commented that it's essential for my future man to love music, and she's right. I've had relationships where certain songs or melodies are forever tied to those experiences. Sharing a playlist with someone special is such a sweet, soul-filing gesture, as is sending a track that says, “Hey, this made me think of you.” While our voices, movements, and moans are always enough for me, creating a sensual playlist for intimate moments adds another layer of beauty to love. I dream of a night with my future man (manifesting him because I know he’s out there) where we dance the night away at a fun spot—just like Nina and Darius did. If you know, you know. 

Music has a remarkable way of tugging at my heartstrings and evoking a range of emotions. Certain songs make me laugh, like “Not Like Us,” because Kendrick is something else, dance like Chaka Khan’s “I Feel For You,” or even smile, cry, or rekindle my excitement about love. Sometimes, I find myself wondering if the artist or songwriter peeked into my journal, as their lyrics seem too personal, reflecting exactly what I’m going through. I feel that way about most of Jill Scott’s music, especially her album “Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol. 2”, from start to finish.

Last month, I attended Schoolboy Q’s "Blue Lips" tour in Brooklyn, and when he performed “Blessed,” I was overwhelmed with emotion. That’s one of my favorite songs ever. I admire how vulnerable he is in that track, especially as a Black man, and I was pleasantly surprised to hear it live, considering it's not available on major streaming platforms like Spotify or Apple Music. I usually just play it daily on SoundCloud. As soon as the beat dropped, the entire crowd went crazy. The feeling I felt in that moment and honestly throughout his whole concert is indescribable. Music continually fills me up and reminds me that I am indeed human, with all its complexities and beauty.

I’m always amazed at the joy it stirs up in my heart and mind. I’m endlessly grateful for how music makes its way through my life.

Before 2024 is over, it’s only right that I write an essay about my top 10 favorite Hip-Hop and R&B albums of all time, so stay tuned.